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Iron Man 2: New Trailer

War Machine

Iron Man 2 looks to be a very promising movie.  What we have is not only more Iron Man, which is what every superhero movie needs to focus on - which is simply showing more of the hero in his suit, doing his thing, but a whole bunch of Iron Man type guys, including War Machine!

Who’s War Machine? James Rhodes, the black military dude, took over as Iron Man when Tony relapsed into alcoholism and eventual (comic book) death.  When Tony came back and became Iron Man again, Rhodes then donned the silver Iron Man armor, placed a mini-gun and rocket launcher on the

War Machine

back, and presto…  became War Machine!

Black Widow, Natalia Romanova, also known as Natasha Romanoff, a Russian secret agent/assassin, is also making an appearance, played by Scarlett Johansson! Rawrrrrr!! She was sent to the U.S. to recruit Hawkeye but eventually defected to the U.S. team.

This movie is going to be awesome!

Black Widow

Justin Hartley is Green Arrow... make that Hawkeye

Let’s get one thing clear. … the entire concept of “bringing a knife to a gun fight” is seen in a guy who shoots arrows at bad guys instead of using firearms.  It’s just stupid.  “What about a man who flies or sticks to walls like chewing gum!? Huh!?” - Shut up you.

Look, what makes the comic/sci-fi/fantasy universe work is “suspension of disbelief.”  For example, 2001: A Space Odyssey is hands-down, the closest thing to reality in space that we’ll ever see on the screen.  They got it right, even for a movie made in 1968.  But Star Wars (the first movie, which is the last (6th) in the series) was infinitely more entertaining to the masses regardless of it’s ludicrous plausibility.  You don’t hear, or see, lasers in space.  You can’t walk on an asteroid with nothing more than a gas mask and Lord knows Tashi Station is the WORST place in the galaxy to get power converters! “So! What’s that have to do with my hero Hawkeye!!!” - SHUT up you!

Boomerang Arrow

The deal is that, even though all of these Star Wars flaws are true, we tend to “ignore the man behind the curtain” and suspend our disbelief while we are entertained.  Can we believe in a man who flies or sticks to walls? … of course we can’t, but we waaaant to believe it soooo bad, that we will set aside our logic for the sake of entertainment.

Boxing Glove Arrow

What about a guy who paints a white skull on his chest and takes vengeance on the mobsters and bad guys? Who wouldn’t!? You tell me you wouldn’t after they did that to your wife and kids.  The Punisher is probably the most believable character in the entire comic universe, movies aside where he’s friggin’ SWINGING FROM A CHANDELIER UPSIDE DOWN while firing twin 9 millimeters, that’s just stupid writing.  I’ll take a flying man in skivies any day of the week over that scene. … that didn’t come out right, but you know what I mean.

“You’re still not getting to the point! Why do you hate Hawkeye? I love Hawkeye!” - egad.  Let me finish. So Star Wars is flawed and our desires to want to be billionaire crime fighters or invulnerable heroes is so great we can over look the the realities of their inherent problems of existing in reality.

boxing Glove Arrow

This is not the case with a guy who shoots arrows at people who carry AK-47s, grenades and all other sorts of military hardware that is used in the field of war! Look, the idea that someone picks up a device that was developed by people who lived in mud back in the stone ages and was antiquated over 250 years ago is just ludicrous.  Apparently Marvel AND DC never bothered looking into exactly why the American Indians lost the gun battles over the years. Yeah, we cheated and used germ warfare on them, but point is that they lost and not having a handgun or rifle played no small part in their tragedy.

OMG!!!

So, Smallville aside, Green Arrow, played by Justin Hartley, who does a spectacular role of Green Arrow, is still of disbelief proportions so great, that only a handful of people refuse to swallow it. … ok, so I’m the only one.  Brian, co-owner of Superherostuff, in charge of the warehouse, says I’m full of it.   Oh Yeah?  These images of some of those highly plausible arrows is just a smattering of what DC has(had) going on.  The whole Arrowete thing is just…. well just darn not believable.

“What’s this have to do with Hawkeye! He’s no GL! He wears a purple skirt, by golly!” - For the love of….  It doesn’t matter what color his outfit is, or if he’s wearing a skirt, they’re both using a weapon used by people in the stone age!!!  It just doesn’t work in reality.

“But Hawkeye’s cool!” - .. sigh… What’s cool is that someone took the time to photoshop Justin Hartley’s GL into Hawkeye.  THAT’S what’s cool.  Aside from these two characters being pretty much the same thing, they shoot arrows (big deal) this is still a cool image, capturing both Hawkeye along with GL in a very cool pose with a very cool bow.  For imagery, it works.

Ahnold Passes The Torch Of Conan

There isn’t a man alive who didn’t love Conan, and Arnold playing Conan, back in the ’80s.  We all wanted to be both… but just lacked the intestinal fortitude and due diligence needed to manifest such a beast of a body.  Especially when there were hundreds of hours of Gilligan’s Island and Brady Bunch, to watch.

If you needed a reminder of how cool both were, way back then, then here’s a little YouTube vid.

Well, Arnold may be a legend, but even legends need to recognize that the world needs a new actor to fill the boots that Robert E. Howard created. The new Conan to be is Jason Momoa, the guy who plays the dreadlock-wearing Ronon Dex on Stargate Atlantis. Momoa is currently in negotiations with the Conan the Barbarian team. If you’re like me, and you’ve never watched any of the umpteen Stargates, except for the 1994 movie, then you won’t know anything about Jason Momoa. But after doing a quick search for him on YouTube, I found this.

Jason Momoa Is Conan

I actually think Momoa can pull it off. The Hawaiian/German-Irish-Native American is a massive 6′5″ tall. If he added another 20 pounds of muscle, he’d be the perfect shoe-in for Conan. In the vid above, you actually see some of his sword play.

Leo Howard is Young Conan

The actor who will play Conan as a child is none other than the black belt pre-teen Leo Howard who played a young Snake Eyes in flashback scenes in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  And yes, Howard does actually have a black belt.

Also from the G.I. Joe team is smokin’ hot actress Rachel Nichols, she was red headed, uber-brainiac Scarlet.

I can’t friggin’ wait!!

The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, created by Marvel Animation, a division of Marvel Entertainment, is going to be one of the break-in synergies between Marvel & Disney.

The crappy looking animated series, which appears to be a take on the WB big-jawed, 2D animation, is just a step backwards in what’s considered, “good art.” Come on, yeah, we love the Avengers and I’m sure the story line is right on the money (.. pray.. hope) but enough of this Hannah Barbera art already! Seriously, this simpleton art is like… from the 60s and is only done to save money. Yeah, we’re in bed with Marvel and DC. And Yeah we love Spidey, Iron Man, Bats and Superman. And who could say “No” to Wonder Woman or Scarlet Witch, or Black Widow… Rawrrrrr, for that matter? Regardless… someone just has to say, “NO! GIVE US BETTER ART!”

Not that we can really do anything about it, but still. Take a look-see at a simple comparison between “bad art” and “good art.” Looking at the WB style, you have the Fred Flintstone type of thing going on, where the artists used to paint a picture of Fred’s body and then rotate between 3-4 different images for the mouth and legs to give the impression that Fred was actually saying something or moving from one place to the other, like from the bowling alley to Barney’s place.. while Barney’s at work.

Seriously, this is maybe one step forward in the “can do” direction because you can see a little reflection on Bats’ and Supes’ undies… see that little blue and red stripe?  That’s skill baby! Quality work.

You want more?  … Too bad, neither do I, but we’re gettin’ it.  Let’s take a look-see at what Marvel/Disney’s feeding us.  Dissecting the Avengers image, you can see the masterful work that goes on in the new animated series. … notice reflection in Iron Man’s helmet conotating superior quality art as they are implying a rounded, metallic surface.  Whatevah. I’m not EVEN going to go on about Thor. … note two-tone hair color, another reflection on his shiny, conditioned hair.  Thunder gods use Head & Shoulders.

You get my point.  To see “good art.” We don’t have to go no further than opening an over priced Ultimate Alliance 2, video game! You HAVE to check out the vid.

To get an idea of the quality of work they got going on, just take a look

at how much love they put into Spidey, Hulk and Iron man.   It doesn’t get ANY better than this.  The entire video is like this.  Yeah, sure it costs lots of money.  Yeah, it took the geek designers, who were obvious Marvel fans, tons of man hours to complete… but so what! In this economy, we should expect the best at export labor prices.  Come on! You tell me that’s not the best rendition of Spidey!  It’s perfect!

… sigh…. so, Disney XD will be showing Fred Flintstone and Snagletooth on…. I mean… the Avengers, this fall (2010) .. personally, I can’t wait!  They also got, The Spectacular Spider-Man Animated Series, can anyone say Kim Possible art work?But I’m not going to rag, cause I actually like Kim Possible. .. it’s the fact that she’s tough and always rescues her friend with the stupid pink rat.  Tough girls are sexy. … I shouldn’t be saying that since Kim’s still in high school … but I’m not going to analyze it too much.

Disney XD also has the X-Men cartoon too.  Aside from not watching it, no high school kick-ass babes, I can’t say much more than what the hell 70s outfit is Jean Gray/Phoenix/Marvel Girl wearing?  And Cyc looks like he’s been eating steroid chewables a little too often.  They also have, what looks like the 1995 Spider-Man series along with Spider-man And His Amazing Friends from way back when.  Hey, at least they had an excuse for crappy art, it was way back when, when they made it.  … but what the hell is Spidey doing hanging with Ice man and Firestar any way?  … jeeze, Marvel’s answer to the Wonder Twins.

Let’s just hope that the Mouse will be footing the bill for some quality art work that’ll follow in the footsteps of the Ultimate Alliance video game.  </rant>

Oh My Goodness!

Ok, granted it doesn’t take much to make a woman look like Wonder Woman, but not all women can pull it off.  You need to be tall, statuesque, long wavy dark hair, preferably black, and look like a total goddess and it helps if she can throw a punch. And wear high heeled boots too.

The funny thing is that, the woman, especially nekid women, are the epitome of sexiness.  A nude woman is simply absolutely gorgeous.  So, isn’t it funny how the average comic geek prefers to see a woman clad in star spangled undies and tiara, so as to look like Wonder Woman, over a nude woman in general?

Something about the outfit just adds that extra… mMPH to the picture.  What is it?  It can’t be that she’s simply scantily clad. If that were it we’d all be looking at Victoria’s Secret catalog, of which I have volumes I through XXIVI.  So it has to do something with the fact that Wonder Woman is a superhero and is … well.. not just a superhero but a scantily clad, sexy superhero who’s also really cool as a character with a ton of character development. “that’s not all that she developed!” Shut up you!

So, thank god for Photoshop and some comic-geek-nerd type that took the time to color in some undies and a tiara, but he could have left the eyes not blue.  Let’s hope that all tall, beautiful women will avail themselves to be seen in a Wonder Woman outfit, showing the world just how powerful and sexy they really are.   “why do tall babes slouch all the time though?“  Shut up you!

Check out our Wonder Woman Merchandise.

T-Shirts Kids Shirts Underwear Footwear Buttons, Pins Glass Pints, Mugs

Magnets Keychains Posters, Signs Lunchboxes, Tins Action Figures Wristbands

And don’t forget about the 12% Coupon Code:

“12WonderWoman“

Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins, Dark Knight) To Direct Next Superman Movie

Christoper Nolan, the director for both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, has been tagged by Warner Bros to take the helm in the next live action Superman movie. The decision was primarily due to the Dark Knight’s box office success, which brought in over $1 BILLION dollars worldwide along with the fact that Supes 3.0 has been sitting on the shelf FOR THREE FRIGGIN’ YEARS!

Nolan To Direct Superman

People criticize the less than stellar success of Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns, which only brought in $391 million, but they seem to forget that Batman Begins didn’t even hit that benchmark, bringing in only $372 million; not as much as X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but a little more than The Golden Compass.  Gooo Bryan!

But, it gets even more better! Not only are we going to be seeing Big Blue up in the sky again, but Christopher Nolan’s brother, Jonathan “Jonah” Nolan, and David Goyer (who both co-wrote Batman Begins and penned The Dark Knight) are off scripting the 3rd Batman movie!! YEAH BABY!!

But, and this one big BUT, I tell you what, the big question on everyone’s mind is, “… what are you going to do about the Joker?”  Now, Heath Ledger’s performance, compounded with his unfortunate and untimely death, has made the Joker issue an almost haloed ground for both hard-to-please-uber-comic-geeks and movie goers of all ages.

Heath Ledger, The Joker

Ledger…. well… he nailed it.  Friggin’ nailed it.  One of the few bits of acknowledged perfection seen in any of the superhero movies thus far.  And his Joker wasn’t just a clone off of the comic pages, no! Nor was it some hair-brained, off the wall concept created by someone who doesn’t “get it” (like the conception of organic web-shooters and talons on Spidey’s finger tips).  No, Heath… *sniff… wipes eyes…* he gave us something that we didn’t even know we were asking for, much less wanted or needed. He gave us a rare opportunity to effortlessly suspend our disbelief as The Joker does his thing on screen.  … Heath gave us magic.

And sure as shite, Warner Bros is going to screw this sacred ground to high heaven!  Or, they’re going to take the coward’s way out and not even have Joker in the next movie… $5 bucks says they chicken out.

In the event you’re interested, Legendary Pictures (co-produced/co-financed Superman Returns, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight) is partnering with Warner Bros for both up coming hero movies.  Ooooo I can’t wait!!!

Bye Bye Toby, We'll Miss You

But… if you look behind the curtain, you’ll see that WB/DC just might be following in the footsteps of Marvel.  Remember the Spider-Man movies I, II & III? We’ll, Marvel Mouse decided to reboot the entire story from scratch.  Yuppers! Parker is going to be back in high school as a teen, kinda like Spidey’s version of Smallville.  Can anyone say, “OOPS! We can’t get it right the first, three times so we decided to scratch all of it and redo it again, but this time fer reals… like the Hulk.. but more better!” Remember The Hulk? … not the first one, the second remake with Ed Norton.  Yeah, yet another incident of not nailing it right and getting all of us to buy yet ANOTHER ticket to a newer version of the same story told to us again.  Who’s the idiot there? The ones making the movies or the ones buying the tickets the second time around hoping it’ll get better. … kinda like dating an ex.

Hulk Reboot With Ed Norton, "Don't make me hungry, ... you won't like me when I'm hungry!"

Well, Warner Bros is doing the same thing with Superman 3.0.   It’s not supposed to be a sequel to Superman Returns, directed by Bryan Singer (who did the X-Men and X2 movies) which means it won’t have Brandon Routh playing Clark. They’re just starting from scratch again.

I don’t get it! Do these over payed movie makers know what the heck they even want?? Well, as an insider told Deadline.com, “We know what we don’t want to do. But we don’t know what we want to do. We learned a lot from the last movie, and we want to get it right this time.”

Apparently not.

Come on people!  You take me and 3 other comic geeks, throw us in a room full of pizza, root beer, unlimited World of Warcraft, comics and strippers and we could hammer out a perfect, FLAWLESS movie that would not only adhere to the spaghetti continuity from the comics but would also be entertaining to the entire family and sell lights out.  LIGHTS OUT I tell you! You would think, THINK, that these overpaid writers, directors and producers could make something right the first time. Bah!….

Flawed or not I still can’t wait for the next Supes, Bats and Spidey movies!! :)  Till then… guess it’s just more pizza, Warcraft and strippers!  Yeah baby!!

Wonder Woman Cami Set

We were getting so many calls, emails and questions regarding our Wonder Woman Cami Set that we thought we’d start off our Product Reviews with some.  The top has spaghetti straps, that aren’t adjustable, but are still comfortable and seem to fit most women without any issues.  We have two size ranges, “Juniors” and “Women.”  Most guys don’t know what that means, as well as a lot of women since we get a lot of calls from women yelling at us about our snarky descriptions, stating that “Juniors are Women too you SONOFABITCHS!”

Yeah, whatever, go shave your legs and armpits then talk to us.  This is really, really complicated and we didn’t make the rules; “Juniors” is… well, the best way we can describe is petite women or “Lithe, Japanese, high school, Ninja Assassin bodies.”  Juniors is for slender, small frame women.  Maybe it’s a petite woman.  Maybe it’s a high school girl.  Maybe it’s for a lithe, Japanese Assassin, who knows… it’s just a size for women who are tiny.  You know who you are cause all the guys look at you and other women hate you!  We didn’t make the rules.

Now, the “Women” size is simply, “your normal sized woman who’s not a lithe assassin.”  Doesn’t mean they’re a water buffalo, it just means they aint Tinker Bell!  You know who you are too.  I would think my wife is a “Womans” size but you never know if that’s an insult or not… so I just shut up, like most guys do, and generally give her the gift receipt (for non undi/cami items) so she can go exchange it for something that she thinks fits her more better*. Look, this whole issue of women’s sizing is just insane. I don’t see why women put up with it.

Regardless.  This is a fun cami (Guys: “Cami” is short for Camisole which is a sleeveless undergarment or negligee… negligee means, “sexy skimpy thing that makes her look even more sexier than before!”) with a soft screen printing on the material that doesn’t feel all clunky.

Our Customer Service Babe, Danielle, had this to say about them, “First of all, the Wonder Woman Cami, Panty Set is my all time fave item!!! It’s SO CUTE!!!!!!!! It can easily be turned into a sexy time outfit (just add boots! and with my long black hair, this outfit totally works for me) and also doubles as a cute little outfit to sleep in! I LOVE IT!”

Tiras, our all-around-John-On-The-Spot Catalog Manager guy said, “All our Camis are superbly made.  We just need to get more models in here to try them on so we can maintain our continual, superior .. um… quality… er..  you know, they look really cute but I imagine they’ll bind around my hips.”

Our expert IT guy Nick, who we stole away from Microsoft, said, “I don’t bloody care, get that ridiculous microphone away from me! I’m extremely busy at this point in time and besides, I thought I put you on ignore! Don’t bother me with this rubbish again, I’m incredibly busy migrating the site to yet another server, which is extremely delicate work and it’s insurmountably impossible to do with you continuously pestering me about ….. ooo these are cute, aren’t they.  Do we have the Wonder Woman boots to go with it? ” Sure do Nick.  I’m sure you’re wife will look really hot in them!

Ronando, yours truly, says, “I think this is a very cute gift for any woman, as long as you make sure you got the right size.  I had to pull out the ruler and measure both my wife and girlfriend’s shirts and undies and made sure I got the Large juniors sizes.  They worked like a charm, the girls loved them! I got lots of points out of these.”

* Unfortunately, Camis and Undies aren’t returnable due to “gross factor.”  But give us a call if you get the wrong size. We’ll do our best to work with you and make you happy.

Books I Always Wanted To Read But Never Got Around To Reading… ’till Now.

DMZ: On The Ground by Brian Wood, Riccardo Burchielli (2006)

“… Today marks the fifth anniversary of the initial outbreak of hostilities between the United States of America and the so-called “Free States.” It is also the third day of a tentative ceasefire, and despite all predictions, it appear to be holding.”

That’s the backdrop for DMZ.  Civil War II.  What a concept.  I stumbled upon a review of this book several years ago and was intrigued enough to add it to my “Gotta Read!” list.  I finally got our warehouse guys to get me a copy of it and I just finished it last night.  It did not disappoint.

Brian Wood sets the scene on Manhattan Island where the actual “DMZ” or demilitarized zone exists between the “Free States” and the US.  In case you’re wondering, a DMZ is an area or boundary between military powers, that are or have been in conflict with each other, where military activity is generally “not permitted,” brought about through some sort of bilateral mutual agreement.  A real life example would be the 2.5 mile wide, 155 mile long Korean DMZ that is a serves as a buffer zone between North and South Korea.

A map depicts an image over Manhattan showing the “Free States”  comprising of the territory of “New Jersey & Inland,” where the reader is left wondering as to exactly how far inland the Free States covers.  The USA zone covers Brooklyn/Queens and long Island, again, begging the question of how much of our country is Free State and how much is US?  The Demarcation Line goes up the Hudson Bay, encompassing Manhattan which still has a civilian resident population trying to eke out a living .

For the few remaining residents of the beleaguered island of Manhattan, a formal ceasefire is of little consolation when faced with the realities of the war zone they live in: looters, roving gangs of neighborhood militia, insurgents, car bombers, contract killers… this is daily life in the city.”

The story follows Matt Roth, a young photo tech intern who lands an accompanying photo-op with a Nobel Prizewinning news journalist from Liberty News into the Manhattan DMZ where “life over there remains largely a mystery.”

With NYPD escort, they Black Hawk in to a smoldering city in ruins, that eerily,  instantly brings to mind 9/11 and the Twin Towers.  In fact, imagery of 9/11 blatantly permeates the first part of book, not as a contrived pandering but as an opportunity to tap into the reader’s feelings and emotions entrenched there, from watching the footage of the Twin Towers falling, in order to convey what Matt Roth is most likely feeling as he’s flying into Manhattan… where 9/11  actually really did happened.

As I read DMZ, I imagined Brian Wood saying,

“Ok, remember the feelings you had when the towers fell? Well, Imagine, … just try to fathom what the hell it looked like after the they fell, not from a boob-tube, but on the ground, at ‘Ground Zero.’  Now imagine, not just the destruction, but the implications of what happened… no water, no power, no nothin’… and now spread that same reality throughout the entire Manhattan island.  THAT’s what Matt Roth, and you the reader are entering into.”

Of course… Brian Wood didn’t say that, but that’s what came to mind when reading it.  The 9/11 imagery consists of the destroyed buildings exposing their skeletal frames giving off smoldering black ash and smoke that rises into the sky at just-the-right-angle and just in case you’re a little too dense to pick up queues from good writing causing you to miss the not-so-subtle subtlety, there’s a bit of graffiti right over Matt Roth’s head, as he awaits his assignment in the hallway, under a paper print out of safety procedures describing what to do in the event of a mortar attack, that reads, “Every Day is 9/11!”

This was one book I didn’t want to put down.  The art is good, the writing is plausible and well thought out to easily let me suspend my disbelief and the violence and language were properly laced throughout the story being neither gratuitous nor apologetic or padded.

Writer and cover artist Brian Wood has earned multiple Eisner Award nominations and is currently under exclusive contract for DC/Vertigo.  Vertigo, the comic company that’s responsible for some hot-shit stories such as; Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, Garth Ennis’ Preacher, (Tangent: Garth Ennis is responsible for giving the  Punisher CPR with his ultra-violent stories in the Punisher Max story lines.  If you want to see Frank Castle doing what Frank Castle was meant to do, stop what you’re doing right now and go get yourself every single Punisher Max book you can get your hands on.  Garth sets the tone, and bar, for the ultra-violent.) Vertigo also brought you; Y: The Last Man and V For Vendetta.  Check out what IGN babe, Hilary Goldstein, had to say in her The 25 Best Vertigo Books.

Brian Wood continues to write his unique brand of iconoclastic creator-owned work with DMZ, Northlanders, Demo and The New York Four and currently lives with his wife and daughter in Ditmas Park, Brooklyn.

Riccardo Burchielli is an Italian artist for Vertigo who did the artwork for DMZ, his first series here in the US.

I look forward to getting the warehouse to send me the next two volumes of DMZ!  Here are some of the first pages of volume one.

DMZ Cover

Intro Brian Azzarello

DMZ - Door Gunner

DMZ p.7

DMZ p.8

DMZ p.9

DMZ p.10

DMZ p.11

DMZ p.12

DMZ p.13

DMZ p.14

DMZ p.15

You can get the DMZ Trade Paperbacks here.

(500) Days of Summer Director Takes On Spider-Man Fanchise

The next chapter in the Spider-Man franchise will be directed by Marc Webb, the director of the Golden Globe nominated Best Picture (500) Days of Summer.  Teen Spidey should hit theaters summer 2012.

Written by James Vanderbilt, Webb will work closely with producers Avi Arad and Laura Ziskin in developing the project, which will begin production later this year.

Amy Pascal, co-chairman of  Sony Pictures Entertainment, and Matt Tolmach, president of Columbia Pictures, said about the next Spider-Man movie,

“At its core, Spider-Man is a small, intimate human story about an everyday teenager that takes place in an epic super-human world. The key for us as we sought a new director was to identify filmmakers who could give sharp focus to Peter Parker’s life. We wanted someone who could capture the awe of being in Peter’s shoes so the audience could experience his sense of discovery while giving real heart to the emotion, anxiety, and recklessness of that age and coupling all of that with the adrenaline of Spider-Man’s adventure. We believe Marc Webb is the perfect choice to bring us on that journey.”

The probably had to call up Stan The Man Lee to get a quote from him before they did the press release.  Come on!… We don’t need no Steengkeen Peter Parker!  We want to see Spidey knock bad guys’ heads, rip steel doors off their hinges, dodge bullets and save the day!

Parker can barely pay his bills on time, is chronically late for everything and in the classic series just paints himself to be a constant shmuck!  We got enough of that in our real life, we want some action, some real hero doing super things in cool outfits with funky gadgets.  If we wanted to see a born-again-loser all we’d have to do is look in the mirror.

Peter doesn’t give us hope.  Spidey gives us hope.  You’re never going to hear mom say, “Jimmeeee! Eat your Wheaties so you’ll be big and strong like Peter Parker!”  Come on! Even Bruce Wayne has his bajillions of dollars, incredible good looks, body of an Olympian and brain of the best detective in the world.  Bruce Rocks! … I don’t wanna see Peter’s story.. I want what they gave us in Spider-Man II with the run-away train.  Now THAT was action. … I and every other guy in the theater was just-that-close to tears when Spidey passed out and the passengers …. … the passengers they… *choked up*… passed him… *swallow*… over their heads and …. excuse me, *leaves room, blows nose, pulls collar*…. and gently laid him down on the rail floor… .. *sniff*.  God I’m such a puss!  That stupid scene gets me every time.

No more Peter emptying the trash talking to MJ. No more… Peter trying to pay Aunt May’s bills!  Or running late to the play only to be stopped by Ash (Bruce Campbell).  Come ON! I didn’t pay freakin’ $10 bucks to see that.  Even the pizza scene, where he rescued the little brat, was better than that.  No.  The best was when Spidey (not Peter) was fighting Doc Ock on the clock tower and finally rescued Aunt May, then all the chicks come running up, “Rescue ME! Rescue ME!”… stupid chicks.

The new Spider-Man movie will be written by James Vanderbilt.  Webb will work closely with the producers Avi Arad and Laura Ziskin in developing the project.  Arad and Ziskin spoke about the movie,

“Over the years, the Spider-Man comics have been told with bold and creative new writers and artists who have blah blah blah audiences see Peter Parker. Marc Webb will do for the new direction of the films what so many visionary storytellers blah blah blah with the comic books blah blah blah blah.”

Webb said,

“This is a dream come true and I couldn’t be more aware of the challenge, responsibility, or opportunity. Sam Raimi’s virtuoso rendering of Spider-Man is a humbling precedent to follow and build upon. The first three films are beloved for good reason. But I think the Spider-Man mythology transcends not only generations but directors as well. I am signing on not to ‘take over’ from Sam. That would be impossible. Not to mention arrogant. I’m here because there’s an opportunity for ideas, stories, and histories that will add a new dimension, canvas, and creative voice to Spider-Man.”

Just don’t suck Marc! Stan The Man Lee, co-creator of Spider-Man, added,

“I’m excited that Sony has chosen a director with a real penchant and understanding for the character. This is a brave, bold direction for the franchise, and I can’t wait to see what Marc comes up with next.”

We love you Stan.  If you’re concerned about where this might be heading… go see (500) Days of Summer.  It’s very well done.  Marc did a great job on it.  He won acclaim with his film debut (500) Days of Summer and has several MTV VMAs including 2009’s Best Director award for Green Day’s “21 Guns,” 2006 Best Rock Video for AFI’s “Miss Murder,” and Best Group Video for The All-American Rejects’ “Move Along.” The Music Video Production Association honored him in 2006 as the Director of the Year for his work with Weezer, AAR, and My Chemical Romance.

In addition to two Golden Globe nominations, Marc’s first feature film, (500) Days of Summer, has been nominated for three Independent Spirit Awards, including Best Feature. Webb was also awarded the Spotlight Award, which honors outstanding directorial debuts, by the National Board of Review.

So, what we’re seeing here is some new young blood.  God let’s hope it’s better than some of the sappy stuff they put on Smallville.  Please don’t F this up Marc.

If you get a chance, check out some of our Spidey gear.

P.S. … and Marc… you BETTER bring back the mechanical web-shooters!  Drop the 2099 talons! … so help me….