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Lucy Pinder is Supergirl You can call her at 867-5309

Lucy Pinderis just your average “girl next door” hottie that is secretly a superhero with a FANTASIC body. Absolutely beautiful. Everything about this woman is perfect. Stunning! Her face, her hair, look at those doe eyes… sigh…… Do you know how many months of Jazzercise and Tai-Bo it would take to get abs like that? I bet she hasn’t had a carb since 2004! Everything down to her French Manicure just smacks of beauty.  And that shirt!

I also love what she’s done with our Superman shirt. Aside from the fact that it’s a kid’s youth Superman shirt she has fashionably cut it in half and dropped the bottom down a bit to be used as a skirt. God that’s sexy. I’ve never seen that done before. Now, why the hell don’t women look like this in real life??? Yeah, sure she has the Supergirl, $10,000 boob job, but come on! The rest is all hard work, sweat and tears!

Look, yeah sure guys don’t have superhero bodies. In fact, most guys are fat slobs who watch Nascar, Futurama and Survivor and yell at the tv while their wives go out and cheat on them. They literally go out of their way to get fat! You don’t just accidentally get up to 300 pounds!

Yeah, sure there’s a double standard that fat bastard, misogynistic, porno reading, horn-dogs expect all women to be porn stars at home, on the street, at work and pretty much everywhere we go… like at the supermarket, 7-11, the car wash, girl next door, yaddy yaddy yaddy, all the while getting fat, drinking beer and becoming stereotypical slobs.

But if that’s the case… then why the hell do you crazy women put up with it? You accept it!! In fact.. you reinforce this slovenly attitude by actually marrying these guys! Who’s the idiot now? Huh? Look, I have said for YEARS that “I’ve never met a guy who was too much of an asshole to not havea girlfriend.” For those of you who are double negatively impaired, this means that the more of an asshole guys are, the higher the chance he’ll have a girlfriend. Who’s fault is that?

Supply and demand ladies! Cut demand for these guys and the supply of fat slobs will drop. As an old girlfriend once said, “My mom always told me that she could line up 100 nice guys in a row and one asshole, and I’ll go RIGHT for the asshole!” Go figure. I bet that loser has a leather jacket, motorcycle, no checking account and a beer in one hand and hasn’t shaved in a week to look like Sawyer on Lost. Come on ladies… be real. You’re lying if you’re saying you wouldn’t sleep with Sawyer over Jack.

Take gay men for example. I have yet to meet a gay guy who was narcissistic and arrogant enough to not have a boyfriend. … again, for the double negatively impaired, these guys are totally into looking and feeling good. They’re total elitist snobs and they don’t care because they know that in the end, they look better than us, “I don’t care what you think because you’re overweight, your shirt is dated and your shoes are dirty so anything coming out of your puny little mouth is completely invalidated, talk to the hand.”

You never see two gays look trashy, fat or dirty. They simply have too high a standard. (I can say this because my best friend, Josh, is gay. I can also say “taco bender” because I’m half Mexican, but I don’t like saying it because it’s not funny and it’s stupid. And Beaner sounds so much better. But I can’t say ni%%er. Don’t like saying it either.  Too much social white guilt going around for me to feel comfortable saying it. But I think I can get away with “nigga-please!” Damn that’s funny, but I don’t have any black friends to try it on. Pretty hard to find black friends in Lake Oswego, Oregon. Damn this place is white, it’s cracker white! … Wonder Bread white! If you get too much of a suntan the cops start pulling you over. So, I can say black, but that’s just because “African American” is just too PC-stupid. But I digress.)

… where the hell was I? … Oh yeah, women who date assholes and fat men. So, yeah, I think I can ask women to look like Lucy Pinder, simply because I’m trying to build my own superhero body. If I can do it, you can do it. Come on!.. being a woman is no excuse for not getting in shape. I work hard every other day lifting, doing push-ups, crunches, squats and now pull ups, etc. So, let’s all look at Lucy Pinder as a perfect example of what we should ameliorate ourselves to. Hot, Healthy and Sexy!

Lucy Pinder’s my hero. Too bad we all can’t have bodies like her.

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