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The Infinity Gauntlet - Surfer Misses!

The Infinity Gauntlet was a six-issue, limited series, comic book that was published from July to December in 1991.

Thanos mounts the six Infinity Gems, (collected in the The Thanos Quest limited series), on his left glove to form the dreaded Infinity Gauntlet. Each Gem grants its bearer complete mastery over one aspect of the universe: Time, Space, Mind, Soul, Reality, and Power. Now all-powerful and desperate to win the affections of Death, Thanos decides to offer the entity a gift of love by completing a task she had given him, erasing half the sentient life in the universe, quite literally with a snap of his fingers.

The surviving heroes on Earth band together — guided by the newly-resurrected Adam Warlock — to battle Thanos. In a bid to impress Death, Thanos allows the heroes a slight chance of winning, but easily defeats and kills almost all of them.

It’s issue #4, of the 6 part limited series, and the heroes are currently out in space on Death’s floating alter. Thanos is wearing the gauntlet, haughtily challenging the heroes with his insipid smirk. The opening sequence is of Thor’s hammer Mjolnir, Firelord, Namor and Iron Man all flying towards Thanos, ready to rip his head off.

With a snap of his fingers, Thanos “Freezes Earth’s defenders in time, Mjolnir, Iron Man’s and Firelord’s blasts mere inches from Thanos’ grinning face. It’s at this time that Mephisto whispers some of his wonderfully, deceitful words into Thanos’ ear.

Mephisto points out that “All female hearts, even one as cold as Death’s, are warmed by the sight of raw courage. Courage such as is exhibited in Battle. But such bravery only exists when one faces the prospect of defeat. Meeting that standard would require balancing the terms of battle so these fools stood a chance of victory. … Something not beyond your ability to arrange.” Such subtle, whispered words of deceit! As if plucked from one of Shakespeare’s plays itself.

Thanos agrees, cutting himself off from all of the Glove’s “sensory input from Time, Space, Reality, Thought and the Soul.” He monologues for a moment, “I would rein LIMITLESS POWER, yet not know my enemies’ next move.” This change gives the heroes a, “.05% chance for victory.”

And with another snap of his fingers, the battle begins. Namor, Mjolnir and Iron Man and Firelord were the first to attack. Released from being frozen in time, their bolts wreck destruction upon a portion of Death’s very alter. It is then that Drax the Destroyer and the Incredible Hulk jump Thanos from behind and proceed to pound him in a true street fight fashion.

Or so it would seem. Drax is blasted away while Hulk is the first to be dispatched, shrunken in size and immediately forgotten. Vision hits him from behind with a power blast while Namor and She-Hulk start pounding away.

The Silver Surfer and Adam Warlok watch from a far distance, the Surfer itching to get into the fight while Adam holds him at bay, stating, “.. you have a major role to play in this little game… All in due time Surfer,” knowing that if the Surfer knew what Adam’s plan was, Thanos might detect and counter it. So the Surfer fumes and waits for his moment.

Namor and She-Hulk are next to succumb, having been turned into something akin to foot fungus on steroids. Thor delivers a terrific blow with Mjolnir, knocking Thanos down, only to have Doom get in the way greedily trying to make a grab for the Infinity Gauntlet, interfering with Thor’s follow up blow. Doom is back handed in a fiery heap, still alive and still coveting the gauntlet.

Thor tries again with his Mjolnir, only to have Thanos dismisses the magical hammer to some unknown location through a conjured teleportation portal. Thor realizes, that without his hammer, he only has 60 seconds before he turns into Eric Masterson, so he resorts to a fist fight with the titan and begins to t0 brawl with Thanos unlike anything ever seen. “So Savage is the Thunder God’s attack that even mighty Thanos is momentarily taken aback!”

But Thor, the “highest card” in the game, is grabbed by his cape by Thanos and is flung off of Death’s monument, within seconds he will change into Masterson and lose all of Thor’s powers. Firelord attacks yet again, but he’s backhanded by Thanos into a stone wall with such force to render him unconscious.

It’s now Wolverine’s turn. He springs into action and delivers what would normally be a perfect killing blow with all 6 Adamantium claws, piercing Thanos’ chest. But, Thanos retaliates, “Adamantium bone transforms into spongy rubber, and the most vicious of Earth’s defenders flops to the ground, helpless.”

Surfer and Adam Warlok continue to watch on. Next in attack sequence is Cyclops and the Scarlet Witch, hitting Thanos from opposite sides. “Thanos turns his attentions first to lovely Wanda. Her mutant Hex Power easily fall before his will. I avert my eyes. I’ve no wish to remember such horror.”

… the Scarlet Witch is vaporized before Thanos turns to target Cyclops, but Iron Man blind-sides Thanos, momentarily distracting him.

In steps Terraxia who tackles Iron Man, removing him from Thanos’ vicinity. The heroes don’t have much time now. Cyclops opens fire with his optic blasts again, though he should have never let up in the first place, but with a mere thought Thanos seals his doom. “A clear block of force envelops the mutant’s head… cutting off his force beam in mid stream… and cutting off oxygen to the warrior.

Cap runs to Cyclops’ aid while Vision tries another rear assault, but Thanos is ready for him this time and simply reaches into Vision’s chest, ripping out his wiry guts. Vision is dead. Meanwhile, Thor, having lost his hammer, is now transformed into Eric Masterson and is unable to breath, “For the mystic spell Dr. Strange cast so the Thunder God could breath in the depth of dark space… apparently does not extend to this mortal Eric Masterson!” He realizes that he will die soon unless a miracle happens.

Cap, now standing over Cyclops’ dead body, yells at Thanos, distracting him. Giving enough time for Cloak to envelop Thanos with his his mystical cloak. … To no avail. Thanos blows Cloak into oblivion, atomizing him and again starts monologing. Firelord, yet a third time, attacks Thanos but with a more grittier, brutal approach by attempting to apply a rear choke on Thanos with his fiery staff while Drax blasts him in front with energy bolts. Thanos just laughs, teleporting both of them to Earth’s prehistoric past.

Terraxia appears… with Iron Man’s helmet, complete with Tony Stark’s decapitated head. While they gloat, Spidey, in his infinite charm, does the superhero equivalent of a hot foot and webs Thanos’ eyes, distracting him for just enough time to let Thor resume his pummeling, now that Masterson is changed back into Thor with refound Mjolnir in hand.

But Terraxia, after killing Iron Man, jumps Spidey and proceeds to bash his head in with a rock, he is ultimately killed. Just as Thor is about to land a killing blow, Thanos turns him into glass and then turns the attacking Nova into little cubes, crushing and shattering both heroes. They are dead.

Earth's Heroes, All Dead

Quasar, like an idiot, is too busy talking when he should be blasting, and “challenges” Thanos, “Turn and Face me Thanos.” Some “heroes” simply don’t know when it’s time to fight dirty. Thanos turns and simply explodes the Quantum Bands that Quasar is wearing, severing Quasar’s wrists before being vaporized by Thanos’ eye beams. They’re all dead. Only Cap is left standing.

Adam Warlock prepares the Silver Surfer. Norrin Radd is anxious to get into the battle, having seen his friends killed. Cap, ever the true hero, only a mortal man with no god-like powers, confidently strides towards Thanos…

Cap's Last Walk

They exchanges a few words. Thanos takes a swing at Cap. Cap ducks Thanos’ right cross (Thanos, the most powerful being in the omniverse, with the ability to destroy entire galaxies, in classic comic book fashion, resorts to a traditional bar fight inspired right cross). Cap is then shocked to see that the ground under his feet has come to life , grasping his ankles. He’s fixed in place, going nowhere, primed and for the beating he knows is coming his way.

With a back handed swipe, Cap’s Vibranium shield is destroyed and prepares to follow with a left punch to the face. Cap isn’t scared. He doesn’t even blink. Thanos raises his guantleted fist … Adam Warlock unleashes the Silver Surfer, “NOW!” he yells, with fixed gaze on Thanos’ left raised hand … the one with the Infinity Gauntlet.  Surfer bolts like a bat out of hell, possibly the fastest he’s ever flown.

Surfer Unleashed

Thano’s fist descends, as if in slow motion, towards Steve Rogers’ face. Cap doesn’t flinch.

Surfer reaches out to grasp the gauntlet and save humanity. … and friggin’ misses! He “misses his mark and Thanos reatains his Godhood. The echoes of failed plans and good intentions wasted in futile acts. Nothing remains of hope. Nothing remains but sweet oblivion and an end to this nightmare.”

With an unguided back hand, delivered almost as casually as an afterthought, Thanos kills Captain America and comes to his senses. He suddenly realizes he’s almost lost his godhood and prepares for the real battle to come.

The Infinity Gauntlet was written by Jim Starlin and penciled by George Pérez and Ron Lim.