I just…I just can’t take it anymore. Steve the sentient t-shirt pile has amassed more..uh, mass. He’s drooling collars and sneezing sleeves, for crap’s sake! We just..we just received so many new DC t-shirts and….and…well, I think Steve may be preparing to….divide. AAAAAHHHHH! Anyway, let’s take a look at some of this new swag sliding off Steve’s screen-printed…. stomach? Wait…that could be a chin.
Superman is concerned about many things, specifically humanity’s safety. Sometimes, to really think about how best to assist us, he just needs to gets the hell away from all the white noise and toxic thinking! The Superman Cosmic Concerns Sublimated T-Shirt features Superman doing just that: floating around somewhere beyond Earth’s atmosphere and melodrama, staring holes into meteors as he processes plans within plans within…better excuses as to why he will NEVER AGAIN chop firewood for Mr Lakely in Utah. Superman is here to save the world from alien viruses the size of dump trucks and the wicked machinations of jealous industrialists, not re-tile kitchens, play fetch with otters or chop ####ing wood! Anyway, this is an all-over print tee featuring an image rendered by contemporary comic book legend, Jim Lee!
Look, it’s an older iteration of the Justice League of America on the JLA Justice League Star Burst
T-Shirt! Looks like someone opened up a portal in space (possibly Zatanna or Firestorm) in the hopes of…..watching Black Canary, Green Arrow, Elongated Man, Aquaman and Hawkman implode!!?? Who was the Justice League member in charge of mapping out the stargate jumps, huh!?? Holy crap, if only we had a t-shirt depicting the scene 15 seconds after their initial arrival. Man, that would be ….graphic. Wonder if the Atom would survive? I guess he could crawl into Zatanna’s…wand, maybe? Dunno.
And, ooooh….looky here! It’s Batman walking from the draping shadow, contrasted by the splatter of bats and suffused with Gothic pretense in the Batman Urban Legend All Over Print T-Shirt! The design, much like the T-Shirt name mentions, is the result of an all-over print process which enlarges the window to Batman’s world, causing one to think that maybe, just maybe, Batman will be gripping your throat immediately after taking his very next step! GULP! Oh, and this baby features an image rendered by freakin’ Jim Lee! No foolin’!
Ah, yes. Now we’re talkin.’ It’s the Blue Beetle Symbol T-Shirt featuring the beetle symbol 
adorned by one Ted Kord! Ah, good old Ted Kord. He liked to kid around. Lots. Sometimes, he and Booster Gold would get together and attempt to make ridiculous amounts of money at the expense of other super-people. Or, Blue Beetle and Booster would get together and attempt to make ridiculous amounts of money by applying little or no thought, effort or creativity into..well, anything. It was beer, pizza, Football and making fun of Guy’s face after Batman ####-slapped him in a singular strike! It was the eyes crossing that really brought out the louder bwah-hah-hawing. Classic Blue and Gold, baby.
Of course, we can’t end this without Green freakin’ Lantern. Everywhere I look, it’s Green. Freakin’. Lantern. If you look at Green Lantern’s calendar, it’s like: “April 17th- Sinestro forms Corps., wants to conquer Earth. Need filter for furnace. May 3rd- Other color coded corps. reveal themselves. Black Lanterns strike! Oil change. June 13th- Sentient Death appears in the form of Necron. Saw undead Batman. Spooky. Dentist 3PM. July15th-War of the Green Lanterns. I am very, very tired now.” Yeah, it would look something like that. Oh, and then there’s the live action film coming starring Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan. So…..to celebrate the Green Lantern over-saturation, we have the Green Lantern Heather Faded Symbol 30 Single T-Shirt! It’s heather-green! It’s softer than the average t-shirt because it’s made with a higher, 30 single thread count, and it features a huge, honkin’ Green Lantern symbol!
Ok, I’m out. I’m done. Steve is weeping and it looks like…there’s a smaller Steve making it’s way towards….my car? HEY, MY CAR! NO! NO, that is NOT what we do with the steering wheel. NO! Tires are NOT meant for…..NOO! Put down the Fire Truck! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
