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The Next Wonder Woman

Who's The Next Wonder Woman?

Who's The Next Wonder Woman?

Let’s face it, comic fans are the biggest whiners on the planet. No, really, we are. But, nobody can say that it’s not justified. Especially with all of the recent complaints about the decisions made by writers and directors when it comes to putting our favorite superheroes on screen. The movie industry has a fantastic track record of JUST NOT GETTING IT. Here’s just a couple of examples, bear with me.

emo_peter_parkerSpider-Man: Sam Raimi seems to think (yes, I’m going there, just hold your flame) that not only is it ok to ignore historical canon but it’s also ok to interpret the comics incorrectly and use outdated material. For the last 30 years, the only person who seems to have thought that Peter was still “puny Parker” was Flash Thompson, and of course Sam Raimi. Which is why he cast Tobey Maguire for the role. It’s as if someone gave Raimi, or his casting director, a couple old Steve Ditko (no disrespect intended whatsoever) comics and said, “there’s your Spider-Man boss, we’re off for lunch.”

peter-parker-not-puny

No More Puny!

No! No! NONONONO! Toby’s a great actor, but he isn’t Peter Parker. For those of you who’ve forgotten, Peter grew up to be a freakin’ stud, he just never knew it. THIS, is Peter Parker!* He’s ripped with muscles, can lift a fridge with one hand and a school bus if he really tried. Hell, I’ve even seen him tip a rail car over with one finger!!! “So what! What’s this have to do with casting Wonder Woman?” We’re getting there, we’re getting there hold on. We’re not done b!tching yet.

What else was wrong with the Spider-Man (2002 – 2007) movies? Let’s just say, “lack of adherence to comic canon!” The one major ingredient to the inspired Geek-Rage when hero movies come out. E.g.

  • Organic web-shooters replacing mechanical web-shooters.
  • Finger talons in place of genuine, “don’t-ask-any-questions wall crawling abilities.”
  • Emo Parker.
  • Parker crying.
  • Skinny Eddie Brock! Yes, yes, we know the reason why Raimi picked Topher Grace (which is a fine actor) but Raimi still got it wrong!
  • Venom! Granted, you can’t include the entire Secret Wars story line, but still… Venom has a white symbol, WHITE! *Shakes fist!*
  • Mary JaneJ! MJ is a supermodel. SUPERMODEL! Kirsten Dunst (who’s a fine actress and very cute) simply isn’t a supermodel. (Sorry Kirsten, but neither are we.)

What did Raimi get right?

  • J. Jonah Jameson! J.K. Simmons was perfect!
  • Aunt May/Rosemary Harris and Uncle Ben/Cliff Robertson
  • Doc Ock
  • Gwen Stacy/Bryce Dallas Howard (smoking hot)
  • Betty Brant/Elizabeth Banks
  • And the costume eventually grew on us.

This same … “formula,” violating comic canon, miscast actors, pulling emo out of a writer’s a$$, is systemic. To spare you the details, here’s the nutshell:

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012): spiderman-andrew-garfieldIn the upcoming The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), the costume is completely different, again. I can hear you flamers right now b!tching, “How can you judge the movie when you haven’t even seen it?!?” Shuddup already. Not judging the movie, judging the friggin’ costume. Give it a rest. Continuing on; mechanical web-shooters! That’s right, they can’t win when a comic geek’s complaining. If Raimi was such a damn genius, then we wouldn’t be going back to Peter’s sly inventions now, would we? But we are, and thank god for it, but they look ridiculous! If you want to see what the web-shooters are supposed to look like, click here. What else? Oh yeah, Peter’s parents are not only “back” (as seen in the comics) but apparently are there from the beginning! (which is not in the comics). Yeah, sure, it’s most likely a contrived ploy to fit in with the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. bit, but that’s what we hate, contrived, “square peg/round hole” manipulations to meet the directors ends, not our needs. BAH!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: What was right? Hugh Jackman. What was wrong? The biggest gripe I can think of right now is Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds is fine, but that piece of garbage that was supposed to be Deadpool… someone should have been fired and shipped to Iraq for making such an idiot move. What In THEE HELL were they thinking? x-men-origins-wolverines-deadpoolAdamantium blades, optic blast, sewn mouth and teleporting without a device (DP uses a mechanical device to teleport. It’s not an organic skill).

superman_returns1Superman Returns: Returns from what?  Give me a break. Brandon Routh looks great, is tall, looks good and even plays a great Clark Kent, but I’m sorry, he’s no Superman. Simply because he’s not massive enough. Superman is huge, big, muscles everywhere. Brandon Routh has an Olympic swimmer’s body; lean, too lean, like a barracuda, and sure he has some muscles, yeah, but even Hugh Jackman had more mass than Routh, and that’s just wrong. What else? Swim suit shorts. BAH! And you just HAD to change the symbol, didn’t you. Had to leave YOUR mark, your signature, pissing on everything, “Singer was here!”

The list goes on, it literally doesn’t stop. Which brings us to Wonder Woman. Who should play Wonder Woman? The key is first figuring out what Wonder Woman is, and what she is not. It’s not that hard, really. All you have to do is open a couple dozen gorram Wonder Woman comic and start reading.

What Is Needed In A Wonder Woman?

A long list of very simple concepts.

  1. Tall – Wonder Woman is 5’11″. At that height there aren’t that many applicants, but at least it screens out all of the shorter women.
  2. Beautiful – Not just beautiful, but drop dead, traffic stopping beautiful.
  3. Exotic – Not your average bombshell from California or Texas, but more of a Mediterranean look, slightly ethnic with olive skin.
  4. Perfectly proportioned – Yeah, sure guys go nuts over the Pamella Anderson type Thunder Boobs look, but Wonder Woman isn’t about that. She’s statuesque, has curves without being ridiculously over endowed.
  5. Has a build – Yeah,sure guys like skinny girls, but Wonder Woman is an Amazon, which means she has muscles. If you were to put a bunch of comic geeks in a room full of Mt. Dew and Cheetos, you’d hear them say that her strength is arguably just shy of Superman’s. If push came to shove, she can even hold her own against the Hulk. … for a while. Then she’d have to pull an Ultimates Wasp move on him if she wanted to stop him in his tracks.
  6. Can fight – Movie makers never seem to understand that the audience can tell when a woman can’t fight on screen. It’s like, watching a girl throw a baseball (granted, there are lots of highly athletic girls/women out there, (who can throw better than 90% of the guys out there) but this comment is in reference to the very non-athletic girl throwing a ball). What comes to mind is casting someone like Michelle Yeoh in a fight scene.
  7. Can act – Last, but definitely not least, we won’t be fooled by big boobs and panties. … ok, so we can be fooled but we’re going to b!tch about it after the movie’s done playing. Yeah, sure we’ll buy the DVD, but we’ll still b!tch about it. Wonder Woman has to act. We won’t let the movie people get away with just showing us cheese cake! … well, a little cheese cake is ok, but please don’t let the show ride on that alone.

Some Wonder Woman Applicants

We searched the interwebs for relative unknowns or missed opportunities and we found several beauties who we feel come close to the embodiment of Wonder Woman.

Elisabetta Canalis: At 5’7″ Elisabetta is a stunning Italian actress who also happens to be George Clooney’s girlfriend. (Go George!). She appeared in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and romantic comedy Virgin Territory.

Elisabetta Canalis

Elisabetta Canalis

elisabetta_canalis

Laetitia Casta: Though, only 5’5″, Laetitia has many of the prerequisites to be Wonder Woman, if not another Amazon on Themyscira. She is a French model & actress. She was the official face of L’Oréal, Dior, and Chanel. She’s been featured in Tommy Hilfiger, Guess Jeans, Miu Miu and XOXO ad campaigns and has appeared on over 100 magazine covers including Victoria’s Secret catalogs, ELLE magazine, and Vogue magazine. She also appeared in 3 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, Rolling Stone, and a Pirelli Calendar and was the face of Ralph Lauren’s newest fragrance, Notorious. Laetitia is no slouch.

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Moran Atias: At a STUNNING 5’9″ Moran is mind shattering gorgeous Israeli actress and model. She’s so hot, she could be a waitress or …or an airline stewardess in the 60s. She was discovered in Italy by Roberto Cavalli and was cast in the Israeli “Strauss” commercial and chosen to lead the “Renuar” campaign. She has also won the title of Miss Israel. If you have ever known, or met Israeli women, you will know that they are some of the most beautiful women in the world. Ai chi-wawa!

moran-atias moran-atias-2 moran-atias-3

Ayelet Zurer: Ayelet is another Israeli actress, best known for her roles in Nina’s Tragedies, Adam Resurrected, Munich, and Angels & Demons. Though. Though she is no spring chicken, she (at the very least) has what it takes to play Hippolyta. The one thing we do know about Isralie women. … they can fight. Everyone in Israel is drafted into the military for two years, though, unless you’re a supermodel, then you can dodge it, however it’s considered a big no-no there. … I think I’m going to have to go rent Angels & Demons now.

ayelet-zurer-3 ayelet-zurer-1 ayelet-zurer-2

We could go on and on, but we think you get the idea. Let’s just hope that the people who come together to create the next Wonder Woman TV show or movie does their due diligence to research Wonder Woman and understand who she is and what she represents. If you’re looking to get a good understanding on DC’s retconned Wonder Woman, we highly suggest George Perez’s Wonder Woman: God and Mortals. Another good book to get is Wonder Woman: Hiketeia. And, as usual, your thoughts are welcome. We know many of you won’t agree, but at least we’re trying to set the standard.

George Perez's Wonder Woman

George Perez's Wonder Woman: God And Mortals

* “No More Puny” What comic, issue, what year, and what page is this on? The first Person to send us the correct answer (at facebook @ superherostuff.com) to all of these questions wins a free t-shirt! Winner will be posted here.

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17 Responses to “The Next Wonder Woman”

  1. Crash says:

    I think if they don’t cast Linda Carter as Hippolyta, it would be a GRAVE injustice for those of us who grew up on the 70s Wonder Woman TV show

  2. RafaelF says:

    I think your dead on , most of them want to make a modern day telling of the story and completely kill the character. everybody wants to make a buck and not stick to what makes these characters loved by so many. they try to make their interpretation and butcher the story the character and the whole franchise, instead of sticking to the core of what these comics are all about. THEIR COMICS for a reason, fantasy ,super powered fantasy, almost any series can be a movie, they are mini movies in a sense without movement. Every panel gives you the emotion , the action, the feeling that you know with out audio or video , your voicing the characters in your head your seeing it play out on paper as well as in your mind , what happened to that, why does everything have to change to make a buck , to put a directors or writers stamp on something that already has been super stamped by the superhero post office. why change so much , yes i understand there’s infinite universes and differences but they stay to the core of what the comic is. anyways sorry for the rant , just had to put my 2 cents in

  3. Kodel Snead says:

    I disagree already. The person whose written this article has a lot of factual things in it when it comes to all of the other characters. But, Wonder Woman is what we consider “thick”, not slim w/small boobs like the women you are already showing. It is just not the Wonder Woman that I see in the comics. If that is what you are using to push your campaign. The woman in the comics is shaped like Beyonce or Tyra. Wait! Before you have a baby! I know that they are black, but, truth is an island filled w/women wouldn’t have the male concept of beauty. So, skinny, petite, or even close like most of the women you’re showing, is just not the answer. There was one. A nude pic in black & white. She has a good body. But, Amazons would be thick. These women are built solid. The idea that white male’s consider “fat” because of the control issues that they are born w/. But, we consider it “thick” or “shapely” because it has muscle mixed w/definition. Like most black women in the magazines that get ignored. No! The problem w/casting for WonderWoman is the fact that you have to make her white and white women aren’t shaped like Amazons. They are shaped like asian women w/height. That’s not a “WonderWoman”!

  4. Ronando says:

    Kodel – Thanks for the comment. We were mostly going for the face, when looking for candidates. The face has to look a certain way, has to be perfect, exotic, absolutely beautiful. A Charisma of 21!

    But we agree with you, as we said in the post, #5 prerequisite, “Has a build – Yeah,sure guys like skinny girls, but Wonder Woman is an Amazon, which means she has muscles.” So, the fact that these girls are skinny is beside the point. Actresses can always be beefed up, just like the guys in 300.

    Also, I would think the island of Amazons would be mixed races, as if all the races had 25% Filipino in them; Japanese, black, Mexican, white, Israeli, all of them with a touch of something else, making them more exotic. Some of the most drop dead gorgeous women in the world are part Asian and part Filipino. That’s why we didn’t go with the traditional group that all the Americans are stuck on. There are many, many beautiful women out there, not on US TV/Movies that can do the role just as good, if not better.

  5. MC says:

    Katy T the art model! Tall, lithe, all-natural, beautiful but with a strong nose that makes her look Themysciran). I think she’d make a great Wonder Woman. And everything pre-or-post-Perez should be tossed when they’re writing the script.
    http://katy-t.blogspot.com/?zx=a7c56f5eeee07931
    (nudity warning:-)

  6. Eric says:

    For me Eliza Dushku is the perfect Wonder Woman. Someone you could believe could kick your ass. And, a beauty that isn’t too obvious but still undeniable. Not to mention having the built in geek creed.

  7. Jerald says:

    Aishwara Rai Bachchan. She is a 5’7″ Indian actress that is absolutely stunning. She is pregnant now, which will either improve or distroy her figure, but I have thought what a perfect Wonder Woman she would make since I first saw her. She is not skinny, but she is not muscled either. Not sure about her fighting chops, I haven’t watched any of her Bollywood stuff. But she’s got the look.

  8. Eden says:

    I think from the suggestions i´m convinced by Ayelet Zurer, she has the look and can act, other opcion will be Olivia Wilde, oddette Yutsman, rhona mitra or lena hedley all of them fill the requirements

  9. Isky says:

    Ummm – I would NOT expect Themiscyra to be “mixed’ – the history of the Amazons is GREEK… the women were chained by Heracles (not Hercules – that’s Roman) and the wristbands were left when they shed the slave chains… c’mon folks… if you are going to quote canon – then at least get it right!!

    You can go for the “thick” look if you wish, and I don’t care one way or the other – but again – if you are quoting canon – well, WW tends to be a skinnier hourglass figure… her strength is a super-power – heck – otherwise she would have to look like a female bodybuilder – and, well – that just isn’t really attractive to many folks.

    Personally (and I am not totally STUCK on canon – I just know it) – find a mediterranean version of Serena Williams – and you will have it right. Truly athletic, great backside, great topside, and beautiful to boot. I can’t think of anyone at this moment – but I am sure she is out there.. she just probably isn’t a pro actress….

  10. Dave says:

    Julia Benson. She played Lt. James on SGU.
    She’s a 5’7″ brunette godess…

  11. nick says:

    “Perfectly proportioned – Yeah, sure guys go nuts over the Pamella Anderson type Thunder Boobs look, but Wonder Woman isn’t about that. She’s statuesque, has curves without being ridiculously over endowed.”

    you CLEARLY have never looked at a single picture of wonder woman…that said Pamella looks terrible in my opinion, and pretty much always has, but WW def has bigger than average…

  12. Christine says:

    I should be the next WW…because I am an Amazon beauty!!! Made in the USA!!! (and I can kick some ass) ;-) Oh and I’m 5’10…only an inch shy…………….

  13. Georgina Q says:

    My god you guys are terrible pickers. A version of Serena Williams!!! NO WAY! Serena Williams body is huge. She needs to be like when Lynda Carter did the roll, but this time she needs to be a bit more toned and be tall at least 5’11.

    Another thing, Themyscira has to have a mix race of amazons because we talking about the Mediterranean, we have the Greeks that are dark hair, olive skin and light eyes. Then to the south east we have the Arabic who are tan with curly hair. Also to the south of Greece we have Africa where they will be Black people.

    The fact is that people back then use to travel to other countries for the trading of merchandize and I am assuming even from Asia. And they use to have slave trafficking from all over these areas and I’m sure there were inbreeding and stuff like that.

    And I most say I love this article because you guys are talking about Wonder Woman and you guys are giving her the importance she needs. I really appreciate when guys especially do this because there are so many male Heros movies and I think men are being spoiled and us women are being forgotten. We can only hope to see like a good women sidekick. When I see guys wanting to see women heroines is like a breath of fresh air. I see it as a gesture of a gentleman.

  14. Nick P. says:

    I totally agree with your assessment of what it takes to make a good Wonder Woman film/TV show. I also agree with your idea that Themyscira should have a diverse population, and not just the typical supermodel type.

    As for Wonder Woman herself, I saw pictures of a fitness model that, to me, IS Wonder Woman:

    http://thebeefboy.com/index.php/2011/04/30/the-super-hot-ass-of-fitness-model-ksztaltne-cialto-photos/#more-2962

    Warning: there is nudity on this site; just not of this model.

  15. Neil Mukherjee says:

    Hello everyone!
    I think that Tanit Phoenix was a great Wonder-Woman [WW] hopeful who never got the chance to show how good she could’ve been as Wonder-Woman.

    I think she should be on the top list to play WW, [second time coming]. Good Luck Tanit!x

  16. Kerry says:

    I actually like Nick P’s choice, I mean besides the nudity the girl has quite the toned and muscular body without being too muscular to make her undesirable.

    I have a friend lives up in Lloydminster Saskatchewan would make a good addition to the Amazon line, she’s already 6′ and has a killer Bod, well right now she is producing a unit so maybe not that good right now :P

    Other than that I’d like to see a WW movie or new series, I think a movie would be preferable where they can use enough graphics to make her feats of strength look believable.

    Although many folks would call it copying Marvel, I’d like to see DC do a series of movies leading up to an epic Justice League movie, could be fun.

  17. Frankie Mejia says:

    Yo!!! Where is the most obvious choice for this list, Nadia Bjorlin!!??