Featuring a 3,000-year-old newborn Sarlacc cleverly ensnared by adjustable, padded, nylon straps, the Sarlaac Pit Backpack is perfect for wearing, well, like a backpack. It’s also an incontestable excuse for not handing in homework assignments: “Sorry, Mr. Tandy, but the Sarlacc Pit ate my book report. No, I can’t recover it; it’s immersed in the Sarlacc’s thousand-year digestive cycle."

 
Your Saralacc Pit Backpack also acts as an effective bully deterrent. When zit-faced Zeigelmeyer -- captain of the football team who’s repeating his Senior year due to an “unteachable” classification -- comes up from behind and attempts to flick your ear, he’ll find himself immediately entangled by the Saralacc’s impervious tongue and rendered immobile by paralyzing, pain-inducing neuro-toxins.  And then, yes, he’ll be pulled into the Sarlacc’s gullet and supped upon for the aforementioned, generation-spanning time period.

Additional Features:

• Adjustable nylon straps that will NEVER BE DIGESTED!
• A flock of sheep to FEED THE SARLAAC!
• A can of pepper spray to dissuade the Sarlacc from eating anything other than the included flock of sheep (or bullies, or loud talkers, or people at the self-checkout stations who don’t know how to use self-checkout stations).

APRIL FOOLS