BECOME A "GARDENER" OF THE GALAXY

No, we can NOT grant you an actual talking tree-person, one of a number of exiled Flora Colossi from Planet X whose monosyllabic lexicon relies far more on connotation than literal, translatable diction.  However, we CAN grant you this bag of ambiguous seeds that grow some currently unidentifiable flower-things that, when completely matured and affixed with the appropriately sized doll clothing, MIGHT be identified as a sort-of-sentient patch of alien crabgrass.

Yes, our DIYLSD (DO IT YOURSELF AND LEARN SOMETHING, DUMMY!) Grow Your Own Groot Kit features all the items you need to create your very own ...uh… “crop” of tiny, not-at-all-talkative-unless-you-pretend-hard-enough sprouts that, again, with a significant application of pretending, will dance to your favorite Led Zeppelin songs or completely wilt when you “accidentally” listen to Skrillex.

Your DIYLDS kit includes the following-  

• Pack of 60+ seed-looking things that might include a lint ball, a few marbles, a 30-sided die and more than a few pebbles. (Warning: these seeds were stored in a plant where peanuts and other nut products are produced).
• Brown Dirt
• 700-page instruction manual thoroughly detailing each and every step necessary to ensure a plentiful Groot-crop.

APRIL FOOLS